I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
