Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
