If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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