shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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