weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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