Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
