Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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