I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
