the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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