is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
