Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
