Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
