I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk is not a location!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize