I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
