He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
