He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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