Is it normal to miss your booty call?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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