I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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