i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
