I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize