dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
