Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This baby is an asshole
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
