So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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