I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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