Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
