my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
