why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
