You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
