I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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