Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
