did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
