I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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