Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
