I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
