Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
