So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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