i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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