i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
