wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
