I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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