Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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