i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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