I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
