I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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