we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
