Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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