Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
