allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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