I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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