What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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