It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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