I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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