I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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