she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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