i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
