shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
