I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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