What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
