..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
