i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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