i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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