I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
