I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
