I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
