You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
