His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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