I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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