I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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