I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
