my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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