Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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