Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
