38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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