But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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