I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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