In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
