I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do vagina's smell?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
