I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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